I have found myself hesitating to even post the dilemma and decisions we have made over this last week. I can’t speak for Steve, but as we deliberated over whether to schedule Natalie for knee surgery or not, I was thinking how horrible this whole situation was. The “what if’s” of the past four months dealing with an aggravated injury that just wouldn’t go away. No matter how hard we tried to make it. Something was wrong. Of course, my thoughts went to being sad for my little girl who loves basketball and facing the possibility of not playing this year, to fear and sadness for me (and Steve) at the thought of sending my little girl back to surgery.
Peace came to my stubborn self last Friday with a surgery already scheduled for the next Monday. It was all I had in me to even schedule it as I wanted 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinions. I was not convinced. Bless all of those who I pleaded with for answers. And for our poor surgeon as I questioned him via speaker phone as I drove home from a conference. Both Nat and Steve thought I may have been a bit harsh in my questioning…and I think I was.
Sitting in pre-op my stomach hurt, I could feel myself starting to tear up, and knew that I couldn’t. I almost felt we were not worthy of texts and calls of people praying for us. Like I didn’t know how to pray—mostly because I know what it feels like to plead with God to save the life of a child. To plead with God for restoration after a stroke. To plead with God for a safe and extremely dangerous surgery and cancer diagnosis. I know. Yet, I have worked myself up over this knee surgery. And I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving. That is what God wanted of me. To be thankful for the healthy children I have. To be thankful for the surgeon and the coaches and the friends who helped make this decision. To be thankful for the peace in knowing we were in the right place. And along with that thanksgiving—it was OK to ask specifically for what we wanted for her, even though I felt selfish in doing so. But God already knew what we wanted, right? We wanted it to be the most minor surgery she could have. We want the quickest recovery possible so she can be back on the court this year. And so that is what I asked. And it’s what we prayed for and had others pray for. Knowing completely, that there were other possibilities that were very real and no matter the outcome, we would be fine. And then waiting, with anticipation of what would be found. And the phone call from the operating room—that the prayers had been answered in the way we had pleaded.
I am thankful now to be up through the night filling the ice machine and shoving pills. She is doing just as expected. And believes she will not be staying home too long. I believe the medicine has been “talking” a bit too as she declared she would be cheering Thursday night. (Um, ok–from the stands with your leg elevated) And she declared her need to get back to school for Algebra last night at 2:30 am. She may be the only patient I’ve ever had that has been irritated with me for waking them up to give pain medication. But hey—it just further affirms my love for labor and delivery patients. (and not so much ortho! ha!)
Much thanks to all who prayed for my girl. To my co-workers who agreed to cover my shift Sunday night, to my Mary & Martha hostess who had to run her own gathering yesterday evening, and my other kids who have been so sweet and helpful to Nat even when she grumps at them. Oh, and Natalie’s phone full of texts–wow. That girl has the best tribe of friends and prayer warriors. Thank you.